Opinions on my story?

That's a pretty far-fetched situation with a 10 year old girl working for the Secret Service and participating in murder and extreme violence. I don't think any explanation or background would make me believe the US government would put a 10 year old girl in such danger. Maybe if you made her just a little older, even 20 years old would be easier to believe. It's hard to continue reading any story if you just don't believe the premise. The story is also hard to read because the dialogue all runs together and you are not sure who is speaking at the time. If you have to stop all the time to figure out who is talking, the story gets boring really quick.